DONKEY: What do you mean? FARQUAAD: She's married to the muffin man A door opens and the Captain of the Duloc Guards steps in. Shrek stands on top of the ropes and beckons on the crowd's cheers. Fiona, still up in the tree, looks down. Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. Where did that come from? (yanks the wreath off Donkey's head). FIONA: I mean--ah, why wait? Shrek dodges the fire and runs away, leaping over several rows of chains. Fiona is now intently looking at Shrek, smiling. then I ate some rotten berries. Awful stuff. Y'know cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards to read --. You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. MIRROR: Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. DONKEY: Oh you're gonna love it there, Princess. Not there! It's beautiful! Donkey interrupts the moment. MONSIEUR HOOD: Break it down. DONKEY: But, uh, I don't have any friends. DONKEY: Blue flower, red thorns. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying a line of people their rewards for turning in the fairytale creatures. Shrek hops over a set of ropes that appears to make up a wrestling ring. This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form.". He jumps on it just as Dragon tries to bite them and slides down it. That's just how it has to be. He starts shaking it to try and relapse it from the pulley. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him and glares down at Donkey. SHREK: (Yelling) No! Don't die Shrek. Well was it something you ate? -Keep quiet! FIONA: Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! Shrek jumps over and approaches the bridge, with Donkey joining in behind him. All is quiet and Fiona is nowhere to be seen. The mirrors flips through each princesses' portrait. FIONA: But I have to be rescued by my true love! I guess uh Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so uh.. Donkey, impressed by Shrek, follows him. I did half the work. I'm making a mess. The guests party and dance as Donkey takes over singing the song. Those waiting in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs. 20% Off with code OUTDOORSALE SHREK: You know, she's right. (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! SHREK: Yeah, sorry, lady. Shrek catches up with Donkey and Fiona, who are waiting near the exit. I'm already on a quest. Shrek throws a sunflower into the fireplace. As he is let into the room by two guards, we can see that the man is abnormally short. DONKEY: Hey, now. Donkey begins to head in a random direction into the forest. That's why I'm better off alone. Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? Shrek hears a noise from inside and turns to find the source. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering. FIONA: I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude. Donkey is talking to himself in his sleep. You're right, Donkey. End of story. DONKEY: Okay, that makes me feel so much better. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire. That's my princess! I helped rescue the princess. There's something I want Fiona looks around for Shrek only to see Donkey sleeping. Put me down! Please! They mount it on the wall and the Captain removes the sheet. I don't have time for this. I mean we really should get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even pen pals. I can change. She tries to sneak away, but a wood plank breaks and she falls down with a crash. DONKEY: Oh y'know I'd, I'd really love to stay, but -- (Dragon tugs at Donkey's tail with her mouth). Geppetto takes the money and walks off. MONSIEUR HOOD: Oh! Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?! All right, ogre. Donkey trots over to Shrek as he kneels by the fire and fiddles with one of the spits. Fiona smiles, but it quickly fades as she looks off at Duloc in the distance. Blue flower, red thorns. More guards enter carrying an object covered by a sheet. Come on! ), GORDER: I found some cheese. Farquaad is captivated by the portrait of Fiona. Three! Oh, no, No! I like that. . The dragon is just about to eat Donkey when Shrek grabs ahold of its tail. SHREK: All right, get out of here. SHREK: (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? You have a very full day filling in for the King and Queen. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. You are ugly. She wanders off into the woods, marveling at the nature, and begins to sing. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. Shrek (Script) Lyrics SHREK Written by William Steig & Ted Elliott SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. I get half the booty. SHREK: Stop singing! Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the guards march by. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. You thought wrong! Cut to a storybook that reads "And they lived ugly ever afterTHE END". What are you doing? DONKEY: Wow. Wild applause erupts from the guards. The Three Blind Mice in the movie were changed from being 3 older men to 3 young women. I was born outside. Now I really see what's goin' on here. No way. A man and woman run through the castle's entrance. DONKEY: Shrek, wait, wait! Okay, um, ogres are like onions. Shrek fiddles with the door handle, unable to open it. Thank you! Try the veal! Look at my eye twitchin'. SHREK Oh, come on! (laughs). SHREK: It's on my to-do list, now come on! DONKEY: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. I'm the gingerbread man! Just look at that sunset. Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. Shrek awkwardly grins. (bounces the bridge again), SHREK: Yes? (he runs inside the hut). High quality Shrek Script-inspired gifts and merchandise. See that's your half, and this is my half. Run! The crowd gasps, but before he can make a move Shrek puts him in a full-nelson hold. MIRROR: Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is.! -Oh, shut up. Wait a minute! You're my rescuer. Everybody loves cakes! Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs (Grabs the helmet and puts it on). SHREK: Oh, I understand. Donkey turns his head back to raise his eyebrow, and then looks away again. As the sun sets, she changes into her ogre self. DONKEY: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. Fiona pulls her arm free from Shrek and stops running. Fiona grabs hold of the arrow and begins to pull. FIONA: Okay. I can't breathe. 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. Donkey opens the door to the windmill and steps in. Turn your head and cough! There's just me and my swamp. She lays back down and pretends to be asleep, clutching the bouquet to her breast. I tell him, I tell him not Fiona picks the last petal off the sunflower, smiling. We both have layers. I don't want to rush into a a physical relationship. You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. The dragon appears to be flattered by Donkey's compliments. Shrek's ugly 24/7. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. Ah! Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. Shrek climbs to the top of a tree, using his weight to cause the tree to bend over the river and form a bridge. Fiona smacks Shrek on the back of the head and screams in frustration. No! Yes, that's it. FIONA: Well that's what they always say and thenthenthen the next thing you know, you're on your back. FIONA: The battle is won. Shrek and Fiona ride away in their carriage. hey don't do that! SHREK: Oh, yeah. -Get up! Donkey: Say no more, say no more. DONKEY: (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Oh, you must know how it goes: A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. He's ready to talk. I'm here till Thursday. FARQUAAD: Oh, this is precious. There is a montage of their journey. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. I'm a donkey. MONSIEUR HOOD: But I'm not greedy. Oh, how rude. DONKEY: Okay, so here's another question. Donkey looks suspiciously over at the large pile of firewood already piled up. This was not Shrek's intention. DONKEY: She wasn't talkin' about you. A quest to get my swamp back. The two slowly lean towards each other. DONKEY: No. When does this guy say the line? We've got a big day ahead of us. I'll find those stairs. (jumps down to the table). He continues walking through the parking lot. Shrek gestures towards the group and Fiona stands with her mouth wide. Cakes have layers. Fiona and Farquaad are standing at the altar as the priest conducts the ceremony. FIONA: A door. They head off. DONKEY: Yeah, I know. The dragon now focuses its attention on Donkey, breathing fire at him and forcing him onto a stone bridge. She lands with a back flip in front of Shrek and Donkey. As they walk away from the crowd Shrek grabs the torch from a dwarf cheering them on, who refuses to let go. As the bishop talks we see Donkey through one of the windows as Shrek tosses him up so he can see. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. I know! & MAN&3& Yeah,it'llgrindyourbonesforit'sb read.&& & Shreksneaks&up&behind&themand&laughs.& Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? MIRROR: Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. What are you doing? You can't breathe a word. You're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. FARQUAAD: Silence! FIONA: Oh! I'm still afraid of the dark. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps grabbing after the arrow as Shrek dodges her attempts. Give me another chance! SHREK: I read it in a book once. SHREK: Ah, right on time. Shrek dispatches a few more knights with ease. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Nothing would make--. (his nose grows). Does that sound good to you? Fiona looks at him in shock, tears welling in her eyes. 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